Ever feel like you are just waiting for someone else to be available for you? If you want to talk, do you wait for them to be emotionally available? If you desire quality time, are you trying to line up schedules?
For me having teenage and early 20’s children, I feel like I have lived in the waiting room.
When it comes to my role, I don’t come off as the fun one. My kids often don’t want to spend time with a mom who isn’t cool, ‘doesn’t get it’, gives out chores, asks where they are going and when they will be back, makes dentist appointments, checks in to see if homework has been completed, if they registered for their SAT, etc. Yes, I am teaching responsibility, asking for (physical) help from strong boys, and requiring some communication skills.
My kids live the life of hanging out with friends (at least pre-COVID), facetiming friends, creating TikToks, going to the mall, wanting to meet up with a girlfriend, etc. When I suggest spending time together, I have often been in the waiting room. I might get a ‘maybe…if a better offer doesn’t come up, then, yes.’ I bribe with making a favorite dinner or dessert. I hope to hear more about their thoughts, opinions, mindset, love life, cute boys, or just about anything that happened in their day! Even if I plan the perfect family dinner, I still might get kids who don’t want to talk. Or they are busy and just dine and dash. Of course, I may have 1 out of 3 who is in a bad mood, and everyone wants to exit the scene. Likely, the kids spend a lot of time in their rooms or playing video games.
I longingly remember the exhausting years of toddlers, preschoolers, and elementary age kids. Those were the years my children would run into my arms and give me a big hug. They couldn’t wait to share about an art project, what they built with legos, how Batman would save the city, the kids who fought in class, how the teacher was so mad, or what they giggled about at lunchtime. The days when my kids said, ‘Mom, Mom, Mom,’ a million times a day. There was so much noise in the house with kids and a dog racing around, taunting each other, hiding to scare someone, laughing, crying, or fighting.
Those were the moments that I felt the glue of family. I felt the comradery that we are all in this life and home together. When I suggested going to the pool or playing basketball, they might be happy to say yes. They expected family dinners. Family time looked like active kids running around and interacting. Popcorn movie night, building forts, game night, water gun fights all were received with a big yes!
My family favorites for game nights are Sequence and Rummy Cube.
For next level fun and huge laughs playing the drawing game of Telestrations!
And now, I feel like I resorted to the waiting room. I ask if they want a BBQ, to go tubing down Rainbow River, go to the beach, plan a vacation, hang out in the pool on my favorite float, game night, etc. I ask for time to connect. The response is likely to be no or maybe if I feel like it later.
This space created between teens and parents is typical. It is asserting independence. It’s time for them to make their own decisions and experience the world in their own way. My mind comprehends it, and my heart struggles to let go. My heart longs for the days of a child snuggling on my lap and asking me to read him a book. I accept those days are gone.
The thing is, there are times I stop living my life and just sit in the waiting room for hours! I wait patiently hoping their answer will be yes to coming over for dinner or spending time together. I wait. I don’t make other plans. I hope. Then, I am disappointed when they make another choice. I feel the sadness of them slipping away. I understand they don’t need me like they once did. When I stop living and put all my focus on them, they feel the pressure to say yes, the guilt of disappointing me. Likely they may hope I don’t ask the next time, so they don’t have to be left with these feelings. Now my heart’s desire is creating a divide between us that didn’t need to be there. Instead of creating connection, I am creating distance.
Finally, I came to the realization that my waiting has gone overboard. I need to choose me. Choose to be the happiest version of me. Really, is it logical to wait on a teenager? Likely the answer is no. Making choices to be fulfilled by going for a run, time in nature, going to the beach, floating in the pool, planning a vacation, and spending time with friends can recharge me to live fully. Then, I am energetically in a space to give and receive, embrace what comes next, and be emotionally available for my kids. Of course, I keep inviting my kids for anything and everything…and now without the expectation or pressure of them accepting. They are free. And I am free. Freedom is a beautiful space for a relationship to thrive!
Are you in the waiting room? What are you waiting for? Time with your kids? To be seen and heard by your husband? How is it for you if you don’t get the answer you want?
If you are struggling in the waiting room, let’s connect. Let’s see how you can shift from waiting to living again! Because you are worth it, and you matter!
Join me in a conversation of creating greater connection! Click here to schedule a call to discuss how!
P.S. Here’s one of my favorite ways to create deeper conversations! I use Table Topics!
